4 Reasons Why Your Self-love Journey Seems so Difficult


By Bria Barrows

1. You expect it to happen overnight.

Self-love journeys and self-care routines are so prevalent in the media, I think many of us read a few articles, a few books maybe, and believe that reciting affirmations will somehow fix us right away. While affirmations and investing yourself into self-care works, it can take years for some people to love themselves. Everyone’s story is different.  Some people experience trauma, toxic relationships, or perhaps, like me, have difficulty moving past perfectionism and self-criticism. Self-love is an everyday intentional effort and begins step by step. It doesn’t happen overnight.

2. You haven’t decided what works for you yet.

Some self-help books swear by affirmations, some by mirror work, and some by journaling, but it isn’t a one size fits all. Reciting affirmations daily, journaling, praying, or therapy are just a few methods that can align you on your path to self-love. You need to find what works for you.  I’m just starting out after many failed attempts, but I find journaling to be helpful. I’m currently using the five minute journal method. In the morning, I’ll list three things I’m thankful for, followed by a positive affirmation.  I repeat that same routine at night. I also take time to vent about different things. I find seeing it on paper helps me to visualize what I’m thinking. If you’re just starting out, see what you find to be most helpful for you.

3. You aren’t consistent.

I began journaling in July, and I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve started to do. The key, however, is consistency. After only about a week, journaling every morning and night has become a habit I hope to keep up. Many people do positive things for self-care, see results, fall off and go back to where they started. Self-care habits only work with consistency.

4. You want it to go smoothly.

 It would be amazing if we could just snap our fingers, fix our insecurities, boost our confidence and instantaneously feel like we have it all together. However, you and I both know that life can sometimes bring us down and our self-esteem along with it. Some days we might feel like we’re unstoppable and on others, we might feel like all of our efforts are pointless.

But take it from someone who struggles to feel comfortable in their own skin, if you really want to be the person God created you to be, you’ll fight every day to be that person.

 We’ve all felt broken at some point and we’ve spent many moments of our lives feeling like we are inadequate. However, making small efforts to feel empowered can make a huge difference in how we love ourselves.

 It won’t be easy and it won't happen suddenly, but self-love is possible.

Bria is a Professional writing student from Toronto, Canada. She has a passion for sharing stories that matter. You can read more of her work at Thought Catalog and follow her on Twitter.